I told John tonight that I want our family to be intact when this is all over. It's not going to look like what it looks like now, divorce eventually is more than a possibility. We've agreed that The Small One needs us both, close and closely involved in her life. It doesn't matter what our family looks like to anyone else, we're committed to giving the Girl what she needs. And it's going to be so much work.
And John reminded me that I know how to get out when I get stuck. You put the truck in low gear and you rock it. As he said, you can't be scared of letting it fall back a bit even though it feels like you're losing all progress. You're just getting a running start on the next go.
And, sometimes, you really do have to call in another truck with a winch. I'm going to have to call about counseling. I told him I've been hurting myself.
"It shows greater strength of character to make changes in your life despite the worry of hurting others than it does to do nothing and continue hurting yourself."
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